Chapter 30 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

**Chapter 30: Mistake** *Crack, snap, crunch.* Twenty-seven bones made grotesque sounds as they shattered helplessly between my teeth. "Aah..." The five outstretched branches were torn, ground, and minced into a single lump of flesh, leaving no trace of their original form. It was a taste unlike anything I had ever experienced. The stomach that once screamed, the esophagus that suffered in burning flames, and the parched, cracked lips all rejoiced at the merciful rain descending from the heavens. Sweet. Delicious. Just a little more. Just, a bit more. - Crack. My mouth overflowed with a rich, deep umami. As the sweetness and savor intensified with every bite, I couldn't stop chewing until every morsel became a fine paste. I chewed and chewed again. I embraced myself with both arms, entranced, as if believing this alone could save me. Here stood a devotee in rapture, welcoming truth, so intensely was my mind focused solely on that pleasure. Warm energy spread throughout my body. The cold blood of the monster seemed to dilute slightly. Consequently, the unbearable pain that had seized every part of me began to subside, and the emotional surge that had swallowed my reason calmed. Gradually, my mind returned. The blurry vision cleared, and the sounds around me began to emerge. "Haa..." A small moan escaped between my lips. Swallowing the final piece of meat I could no longer chew, I relished the sensation of it slowly sliding down my throat. Simultaneously, the clarity dawning in my mind prompted a question about the meal I had just consumed. I wanted more. What was it that I'd just eaten? The fog that clouded my thoughts began to dissipate slowly. And gradually, a sense of unease crept over me. Surely, there was something irreversible I had done, yet I couldn't recall what it was. Stop. Don't remember. Reason and instinct screamed at me to halt any further recollection. Yet, unable to run from this unsettling feeling, I willed myself to remember. What had I done just moments ago? Alice... She was there, wasn't she? And the child who stood before me, where did she go? The moment those questions arose, my body, growing warm, rapidly turned cold, and goosebumps prickled my skin. As if I had recalled something that should never be remembered— "...Ah?" My head lowered bit by bit as if I were a malfunctioning doll. Unlubricated joints creaked as if they had been neglected for ages. What happened? What had happened? First, I noticed the blood-soaked silver hair. Its beauty, once akin to a galaxy, was marred with patches of dark red, as if deliberately painted on. The child lay sprawled as if attacked by something. "—Oh?" What? This... shouldn't be. Why...? Staring at Ellie sprawled out, my mind went blank. My brain turned into a void, trying to deny the atrocity before my eyes. Yet my body, following the first command given, simply continued to lower my gaze. Bit by bit. The truth loomed before me. Simultaneously, everything dawned upon me. As my sight descended further, I beheld Alice kneeling on the floor, clutching her opposite sleeve with her right hand and curling into a ball. I heard the sounds my mind had been denying, the sounds I'd been ignoring. A feeble scream, crawling along the floor. I couldn't help but hear it. "Uh... Aah... Ka... Hah... Ah..." ".....Huh?" She clutched her empty wrist, lying in a pool of blood with pained moans. She trembled violently, trying desperately to staunch the blood flowing from the sleeve she wrapped around it. Drip. Blood seeped through her garment and dropped once. It rippled on the pool's surface before merging with it. Starting with that single drop, the blood burst through her sleeve like a fountain, spraying all around. Splat. The spattered blood adhered to my face. With trembling hands, I wiped the liquid from my face. Sticky and dark— "Ah." Upon seeing it, I felt a scream tearing through the world inside my chest. Realizing what had filled that pool with blood. Whose actions caused it. And what this situation was. Comprehending it all, I expended all my strength, crying out into the void. Strangely, no tears came. Encased in an arid despair, as if thrust into an abyss with no visible escape, I felt only bleak emptiness encircle me. Indeed. I despaired. "—Aaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!" ** Once shattered, a mirror reflects no one. A fallen petal cannot return to its branch. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Before Alice's huddled form, I knelt and silently pleaded for forgiveness hundreds of times. I'm sorry. Truly, I'm sorry. "Hehe... Ah, uh... He, hehe... S-sister..." "...Aaah..." Though I hastened to staunch the bleeding at her wrist, Alice's condition was dire from the vast blood loss. In the moonlight, her face was pallid, and her lips tinged blue. The sleeve of her empty left hand fluttered weakly in the breeze. Yet, inexplicably, she merely smiled at me. It was beyond unbearable. "—Why are you looking at me with such eyes...!" "...Hehe..." "Just stop! Don't look at me with those eyes—!!" Despite my harsh words, the child merely offered a faint smile. I felt guilt wash over me for raising my voice. Those beautiful turquoise eyes, now seen up close, reflected the face of a coward gripped by fear. It was as if our roles had completely reversed from just moments before. The one who had suffered an indelible wound wore a smile of relief and a loving expression that seemed to embrace everything. The perpetrator, on the other hand, with a terrified look, screamed as if they were the one harmed. I felt an intense nausea rise within me. I was sickened by my own demeanor, as if I were the victim, evoking sympathy when, in truth, I was the one who inflicted pain. The true victim was this small child. She had seen a fragile branch as her only support, only to find it was a monster in disguise, ready to devour her. Here, before me, was a pitiable child, not even allowed the comfort of leaning on another. I couldn’t even begin to fathom how much a kind and gentle-hearted child had suffered from what felt like my betrayal. And yet here I was, this wretched person, feigning agony as if I were the one afflicted. I tried to purge the guilt consuming me by sticking my fingers down my throat. Drip. Drop. But all that came out were the remnants of meat, already digested. The truth was clear: the child's hand could not be restored. This wretched reality confirmed it. "Hate me! I’m the mad monster! I'm here, right in front of you!" "Ah... Hehe... Is that... right?" “‘Is that right’ indeed!! Why!! Why... in such a situation... do you...” Yet Alice continued to smile. Her smile only deepened every time she looked at my twisted expression. "But... it's nice... because..." "...Pardon?" Gently, her right hand brushed against my cheek. It was a weak, trembling motion, but I couldn't look away. My tears, which had begun to fall without my realizing, were softly wiped away by her small hand. "Ellie... because my sister... forgave me...? Hehe..." "ㅡ!?" "So... now... I'm not... a bad child, right? Right?" Her trembling hand slowly moved away from my cheek, finally falling to the ground with a soft thud. My body, where her touch had lingered, felt as if it had turned to stone. Ah. It finally dawned on me what I had so mistakenly believed. I was arrogant and ignorant, only seeing my own wounds. A simple truth. Just because I am hurting doesn't mean others aren't in pain too. Indeed. The wounded one, the monster—wasn't just me. I had been so absorbed in my own suffering that I had come to trivialize the suffering of others. The child, no, especially the child, was probably more hurt than anyone could imagine. I had wallowed in my grief, like I was the tragic lead, refusing to see her pain. "I'm sorry... I was wr-wrong.. please... don't hate me... anymore... okay?" "...Ah... Aah....!!" "I'll... rewrap the bandage... I'll listen... to Ellie sister...like before... read me stories, and..." "ㅡAaaaa!!!" All of this. It was a sin of my own making. Terrified of being abandoned, I had bristled defensively like a porcupine, lashing out at everything around me. Unable to accept the warmth that reached out to me, I doubted, mistrusted, and deceived with false truths. I cunningly enticed and manipulated the child to keep her gaze fixed solely on me. Despite her willingness to accept everything, I delayed and prevaricated simply because I lacked the courage to reveal the truth, crafting this nightmare myself. "So... you won't... abandon me... will you?" ".....!!!!" I broke down in tears. In the midst of my sorrowful cries, the dawn steadily approached. Thus ended the midsummer night's nightmare. Yet the scars it left would remain forever. As they always have. The sun rose, and a new day began. That was all there was to it. **