Chapter 71 - The Girl Wants to Be M*rdered

**Chapter 71. Cause.** * * * Where did it all go wrong? Sometimes, or perhaps every single morning when I open my eyes, this question resurfaces. The original plan was to end my life after watching over Remi and Anna's growth. A future full of hope had already shattered beyond recognition, its original form lost. Ellie, who saved my life by pulling me from drifting towards death in the forest, has moved forward on her own, gaining insight and refusing to kill me, while Sia, who is enduring this long lifespan, might finally find peace after this life or the next, despite having repeated life more than five times. Unexpected encounters and bonds formed. Those warm-hearted people swept in to repaint the picture I attempted to create. Even so, it was fine. Given time, I would get another chance. By then, I could truly end everything with a smile. Thinking like that, I managed to endure day by day. But even when I tried to restore the picture I desired, unpredictable brush strokes and odd color combinations continued to shake my heart. Why doesn’t it go the way I want? Why won’t they consider letting me go? Over time, when I couldn’t even recall what the picture was supposed to look like, I threw away the brush and gave up on everything. However, the event that shattered my heart more than anything else... The one who broke me down like no other... The person I wanted to help grow and thought I'd never meet again, because I loved her more than anyone else in this life. Remi Achaia. It was when my sister reappeared before my eyes in a flower garden where the blossoms had bloomed beautifully. Indeed. Every crack originated from her. —Clack. "Wow! Aris, how about this book? Remember how I used to read this to you all the time?" ".......Yeah." Seemingly overjoyed, Remi clung to my right arm, pulling me around the bustling market. White snow fluttered down the streets, and amidst it, her bright amber eyes shone vividly. As she looked at me with that radiant smile, I couldn’t even dream of shaking off her hand. Thus, I found myself being dragged all over, unable to fulfill my original desire of strolling through the snow. Indeed, I was always a mere entity without others. I lived as a friend to someone, a lover to someone else, as someone's child. In other words, without them, I was nothing. An empty wooden figurine, no different than that. What else can I do? What more can I offer to those who no longer need the trials I impose, to those who need nothing from someone like me? Ellie and Sia, who could do nothing but stand silently in the dark wilderness, as they stepped forward step by step, I once cheered them on, but now, I've fallen so far apart that they can no longer hear me. It was I who chose to stay here until they disappeared beyond the hill, yet here I was, a pathetic wreck irritated by their self-reliance as they move on without taking me along. Anger, or perhaps jealousy. If not that, it might simply be the tantrum of a child. Devoured by a green monster, slowly deteriorating, I watched. To me, suddenly, the immature love I had set free blossomed into a radiant soul, approaching me. And I realized. Ah. Now, it really is the limit. Remi, who seems to boast joyfully about her growth—a joy I could never experience again, appearing as if to mock me while smiling at me, despite not having such an intention. To the twisted me, everything about her felt as if it laughed at me. So, making sounds that couldn't be spoken... A small crack in my heart— "—Aris?" "........" Thud. "..." A book with a blue cover is thrust before me. Looking at that familiar object, I spoke. "...Yeah. I remember." "...! Thanks, Aris! Hehe!" Of course, I remember. A fairy tale book featuring a blue background, filled with adorable animals and a young girl with green eyes on the cover. The story of a girl who, through the help of kind animals in the forest, overcomes various adversities and returns to the home she longed for. One of the many books Remi would sit beside my bed and read to me when I was young. There it was, before me once again. —Clack. "........" I cradled the fairy tale book Remi handed over, arms trembling in fear I might drop it into the snow-covered ground. With my hands wrapped in bandages unable to enjoy the feel of the cover, with only the function of exhaling left, I couldn’t even bury my face in the open pages to relish the fragrance of paper. Yet, the book in my hands looked exactly as it once did. I could never forget it. There's no way I could, right? Tears streamed down. ".......Alice. Are you alright?" "I remember it... I remember everything...." Nothing had entered my eyes like before. I was merely recalling something I never lost, as vivid as if it happened just yesterday. However, the tears for which I had no explanation continued to flow, boring countless holes into the snow-laden ground. As if rain fell from the sky instead of snow, drops pattered down incessantly. In the end, Remi’s gift was stained with my tears. But despite wiping and wiping, just like a broken faucet, the tears streamed continuously from my eyes. Everyone near me, startled by my alarming state, expressed concern, but I couldn’t respond to any of them. These weren't tears of joy. Nor were they tears of sorrow. These were simply, Tears born from unbearable pain. The culmination of all my anguish flowed forth as tears. I had deceived myself, claiming this was just unintended, a happenstance for their sake. But undoubtedly, the times spent with them were moments worthy of being called 'happiness,' moments I desperately sought to avoid. Precious memories, never to be erased no matter what. If this arduous journey ends, or if my soul rots away before that time comes, they would be my proud recollections at the very last moment, cherished in my heart. Yet now, even those memories tortured me, merely reminding me of my own uselessness. ".........." I was incapable of even properly helping others; an utterly worthless self. Such a self held no right to remain by their side. They had already soared to heights beyond my reach, and my presence was nothing but a burdensome weight accompanying them. So, please, I want to stop now. I, too, want to rest. Should I have simply died without a second thought? Before me, don't torment me any longer. Don't disgrace me. Rather, kill me and cast my body into some dark land where not even a whisper of sunlight dares to reach. I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. Why is everyone approaching me? Just fly away into the vast sky. Blossoming fully, return to the embrace of the one who will welcome you as your master. Don't make me admit that I want to live alongside you. You all. You all are fully capable of doing so. "....Keugh, Keh! Krr, Ha... Haah..!" "…Aris!? What’s happening!?" The disjointed, senseless words that no sane person would utter. Yet with my current muddled mind, it was the best I could articulate. My swollen throat and laborious breathing felt like they were suffocating me, and the dizziness in my vision suggested it was a miracle that I hadn’t fainted. I wanted to say that I was, alright. That I could still endure. And with that in mind, when— "—Remi?" A voice resounded. ".....Huh?" "...?! Y-you...!" A voice I recognized emerged. Though it was not from anyone near me, I knew that voice. In this place, I knew the person who could speak Remi's name so informally. It might sound brusque, but I knew the warmth and kindness hidden within it better than anyone. I knew, didn’t I? ────────Snap? I turned my head. "..........A..Ahh..." "...Aris?" At that moment, truly. I could endure no longer. "—Noooooooooooo!!!!!" ** * * *